Last time, on the Dumbgeons and Dragons podcast.
You enter the council chamber and catch the eye of Lady Silverhand, who calmly says,
Council is in session.
Delane speaks up and he says, uh, I have heard and have been getting reports that
there have been many recent dragon attacks in the Misty Forest.
I'm willing to lead a team there.
Like a group huddle.
Like, which way do I do it?
Why do I do it?
We'll do it!
Lord Neverember had one more piece.
Lord Neverember stands up.
I've been sent a representative from the metallic dragons.
This is Elia.
They wish for a representative to be sent to their council meeting in the Nether Mountains.
Are we being asked to be in two places at once?
The council meeting will be held when you get to it.
Whatcha doin'?
Uh, gathering supplies, throwing them on the airship, punching Grancis in the stomach.
Hi!
He goes and fires up the airship and you guys start flying off towards the Misty Forest.
You are suddenly in what appears to be a lot of fog.
Grancis yells out, he's like, uh, just, uh, just keep an eye out.
Make sure we don't dip too low and like clip a tree or something.
You know?
I'm sorry, who are you talking to?
You guys!
We are to keep an eye out.
Yeah!
Aren't you driving this airship?
Yeah.
Now I'm a fucking pilot.
God damn it.
I look out the window.
I'm like, I don't know.
And as you look out the window and you say you don't see anything, there is a burst
of black flame that strikes the airship and a adult black dragon swoops overhead as
you begin plummeting to the ground.
Grancis yells, I told you to watch out!
Hold on to your butts!
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We are a fifth edition actual play podcast.
I am your dungeon master, Russ More, and with me today is Amy More, who looks quite
perpLexed.
Well, yeah, you didn't start it right.
What do you mean?
Karla, did he start it right?
Doesn't that come after the intro?
This again?
I don't know.
I just feel like it was wrong.
You're supposed to say let's fucking...
That's after you bullshit for the next 15 minutes.
Do we bullshit for the next 15 minutes?
Yeah.
Okay.
Always bugging Russ and also always playing Thea Amastasia.
Also with me today is Karla Johnson.
Only bugging Russ More like 40% of the time and playing Nulara Moonbrook.
And Tom Laird.
I try to bug Russ, but he usually shrugs it off pretty good.
And I play Flynn Firebeard.
And also with us today, a very special guest, is DM Dock from the Bros and Dragons podcast.
If you're dehydrated in the desert, you can drink your own pee.
Thanks for having me.
See, he actually has something ready to go before the beginning of the show.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I supposed to be quippy?
Yeah.
Oh God, I'm going to write the most fucked up shit.
You wait for it.
It's going to be godawful.
Now you've done it.
This is really a Pandora's box situation.
This is happening now.
Thanks for the liberty, giving me the liberty to do that, Doc.
Welcome.
I'm here for you, Amy.
Yes, welcome, Doc.
Thank you for being on the show here.
We'll get to who you're playing in a little bit, obviously, because we want to keep the
suspense going for the players here.
This is a game?
No, it's not.
It's more serious than a game.
It's kind of just us talking for like a couple hours and then seeing what comes
out of that.
But yes, I mean, there might be some dice rolling.
You got your dice ready?
I sent you those sweet metal ones.
I do have dice, but I was ready for blackjack and hookers is what I thought Tom told
me.
Yeah, but you have to supply your own.
B, Y, O, B, J and H.
Oh, that doesn't work out either.
Hold on one phone call here and I can get this moving.
I'm just kidding.
I'm ready to win at D&D.
Well, I'm sorry.
You're on Jemjins and Dragons.
Nobody wins at this game.
All right.
So we're going to we're going to start back a little bit for for our adventures here just
to kind of catch Doc up on what's happening and the scene that we're about to walk into.
I have notes.
Yeah, it it's OK.
We don't need to do the usual talk where you guys don't remember what happened.
I really want to hear the notes.
OK, hear the notes.
Oh, no, but I mean, this this episode hasn't come out yet for Doc.
So he doesn't know what happened last episode.
OK, Delene Winterhound.
This is just what I got is literally two and a half lines.
And there was a lot of information in the last episode.
Delane Winterhound will lead a team to the Misty Forest.
We will find King Melandric's son.
Neronvane, Nerenvane.
Elven villages may be totally destroyed by a dragon.
We'll go there first and then we'll go and be ambassadors to the Never Mountains
and meet with the metallic dragons.
Oh, that's actually kind of concise.
Oh, I did a good job. I think I did fine.
You did good. You did good. Good for me.
You're on the airship on the way to the Misty Forest,
passing just on the outskirts of the city of Daggerford.
It's been a beautiful, clear day, as far as the weather goes,
when you quickly and suddenly become surrounded by thick, dense fog.
Grancis calls out, oh boy, can't quite see much.
Everyone just, you know, keep an eye out or something.
You each take a position around the ship when, Nulara,
you're the first to see and hear through the fog
the heavy flapping of wings
and the back of what looks to be a huge black dragon
soar near the airship through the fog.
As you call out to warn the rest, the airship blimp bursts
in a black, green fiery explosion,
and everyone is startled by the dragon's attack,
but braces for impact.
As Grancis yells out, hold on to your butts!
The airship plummets from the sky as you gain speed
and careen towards the ground.
But just before you hit, you all feel a warmth or glow
come over you that seemingly protects you
as the bottom of the airship gives way
in a sickening explosion of wood and debris.
The airship is destroyed and you hear screams
come from the city of Daggerford
as fragments of the airship pierce into buildings.
You look up and see the black dragon circling overhead
and off of it fly ropes and sliding down those ropes,
you see what you can assume to be 15 members
of the Cult of the Dragon.
As you quickly collect yourselves,
you notice all of your members appear to be okay
except for Grancis who is slumped
over the wheel of the airship.
From the clearing fog, you see more creatures coming,
weapons drawn, three Meseloth and one Naikoloth,
along with the 15 members of the Cult of the Dragon,
the black dragon circling overhead.
Amid the chaos, you all feel the cult included
as though you're being watched.
Off in the distance, you see a hill at the end of a plane
and cresting that hill is a soul humanoid
in armor shaped as a dragon with great sword in hand.
He gets to the top of the hill and he calls out,
let them go and leave with your lives
or me and my friend will destroy you all.
One of the members of the cult looks around
at their numbers and then back to the men
on the hill and says, I only see one of you,
shouldn't be too much of a problem, do your worst.
And then as the black dragon circling above
lets loose its breath weapon behind you,
lighting up the buildings, blocking your exits,
you hear from beyond the hill
where the soul armored figure stands,
the large flapping of moor wings.
And what do they see come over that hill?
Over the hill comes a plate armored blue dragon
with saddle flapping its wings flying over the night
as he charges forward into the fight.
Yeah he does.
Everybody roll for initiative.
You hear that, thank you Wyrmwood.
Sweet 14.
21.
15.
19 for the knight, 15 for the dragon.
Flint you got a 15 as well.
Yeah, the dragon can go before me.
Yeah, that seems fair.
You don't want to fight with the dragon?
Okay, Nularaaaa, you are up first.
You have a whole swack of things happening behind you.
So there's a row of buildings,
a light with dragon breath fire,
you've got a black dragon above you,
you've got a blue dragon in plate armor
and a knight rushing towards you and your crew.
There are 15 cult members of varying levels of armor
and weaponry, three Mesoloth,
kind of demonic fiend type creatures,
one Nycoloth which is a larger aberration beast
with wings and what do you want to do?
Oh boy.
What is closest to me
since I don't fight much with a ranged weapon?
Yeah.
You are on the bridge of the wrecked airship
and all of these cult members are within about 20 feet
ranging from 10 to 20 feet of the ship.
A few of them have their backs turned to you
and are looking at the knight rushing towards you.
Well, I guess I will attack some cultists
cause I know for sure skis that I want to kill them.
Yeah.
So first attack is a 25.
25 will hit one of the cultists.
Great, so that's nine damage.
And sorry, you hit it with?
Oh, sorry, flame tongue, my amazing flaming sword.
Yep.
Second attack, that is a 22.
22 will hit, yep.
16 damage on that one.
So you leap off the airship
and rush towards this cultist
and you catch it off guard and strike into him twice
and he falls to the ground dead.
Huzzah.
Knight, you're up.
I will, avoiding the people from the airship,
line myself up, hopefully,
with a couple of Alas in front of me.
Yep.
And I will yell,
Chovo, draw, call.
And out of the mouth of the armor,
lightning will shoot.
And everybody 80 feet down that line
needs to give me one of them big old dexterity saves.
Yes, sir.
So you've got two cultists
and two of the Mesoloth creatures in there.
So the cultists are gonna be a five and a six.
I'm sure that'll do it.
I'm sure that nailed it.
And the Mesoloth, one of them rolls a one.
Wow.
Plus three is four.
So that'll be a four and a 13.
Yeah, magic number was 17.
Yeah, that's what I figured.
25 lightning damage to everybody in that.
Oh yeah.
One of the cultists drops to the ground dead.
The other one drops to his knees
and is smoldering underneath the damage it has taken.
The two Mesoloths, they take the damage
but scatter to the side.
Singed, but still in the battle.
One of the Mesoloths rushes up onto the deck of the ship
and goes to hit Flint with his trident.
That's a 26 with its trident
and a 20 not critical with its claw.
These are unpleasant looking creatures.
Just did a Google image.
Did a Google image search on this bad boy.
He's like a roachy trident.
Kind of like a bug mouth.
Yeah, pretty nasty.
Why don't we ever fight anything cute?
I guess it's better that we don't.
Next time.
No, I don't want to.
I take it back, I don't want to.
We fought a sock dragon.
That was pretty cute.
You're right.
That was cute.
Thea will slaughter something cute.
She doesn't care.
Oh, she is a psychopath.
So Flint, you're gonna take seven piercing damage
from its trident and 11 slashing damage from its claws.
Now ask him where he got his suit
and was it from the toilet store?
Exactly.
And then it's going to magically teleport
to the other side of the ship,
off of the ship with more of the cult members.
Blue dragons up.
It will land right behind me shortly after my breath
and it will give out a mighty roar.
Everybody within 80 feet from the dragon
need to give me a constitution saving throw
or a wisdom saving throw, excuse me.
I would much rather it was constitution, Doc.
I meant constitution there, Tom.
I'm good for wisdom.
Oh, just for fighters, though.
Just for dwarf fighters, got it.
Yeah.
16.
Not bad, 13.
10.
Oh no, I'm a liar, 20.
What do they got to beat there, Doc,
just because I got a whole shit ton of things
that you're trying to scare.
Math.
You have to beat math.
15. 15, all right.
Hold, please.
This is one of my favorite enemies.
I feel like I might have advantage on wisdom throws.
Please hold while I look in the player's handbook
that I have right in front of me, Russ.
Why do you have that, Carla?
I read it every night before I go to bed, Russ.
Just kidding, I don't.
I believe you not.
Don't be mean to me, don't be mean to me.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
No, I'm a liar.
Only when I am tracking them do I have advantage.
Well, that makes sense.
Can you claim to track something
when you can see them, like right there?
Totally.
I thought it was worth a shot
since I rolled that real shitty 10,
but no such luck.
Okay, so half of the cult members are afeard of that dragon
and two of the Mesoloths are also afeard of that dragon.
The Naikoloth and one of the Mesoloths
and the other half of the cult members saved.
So it's not fear, it's frightened,
which is a big difference.
That's what I meant.
Does anybody need to know about frightened?
I've listened to you guys long enough.
Yeah, I would love to know what frightened does
because I don't know.
So if you are frightened of the dragon,
you have disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls
while that dragon's in your line of sight
and you cannot willingly move closer to the dragon.
So Nularaaaa could just turn around and be like, ooh.
Not afraid of that anymore.
Pretty much.
Actually, the way the rules are written,
that is exactly what you can do.
Just close your eyes, Nularaaaa.
Luckily, there's lots of enemies around.
I can spin around at some point
before my turn comes up again.
All right, Flint, you're up.
All right, what's near me, Russ?
Oh, you're... A dragon.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, there's a...
In your immediate line of sight, there is a dragon,
which I don't know if you're frightened of.
Yes, I am.
You're frightened of that dragon.
He thinks you're all pussies.
So say that straight ahead.
You have cult members off to the left
and the right of your location
and you also have a Nikoloth off kind of right and back.
So it would be out of your line of sight.
Okay, I will go... Of that dragon.
I will turn slightly to the left
to avoid looking at the dragon
and beeline it straight over to those cultists.
Yep, you got it.
All right, and I'm assuming they're within range of me?
Yep. Perfect.
Well, let's get that axe a-chopping.
That's a 22. 22 will hit.
That's nine damage.
Nine damage, okay.
And a 21.
Yep. So that's 18 damage.
Yeah, you leap off the ship and drive your axe into it
and it, on the second strike, drops to the ground dead.
Excellent.
Thea, you're up.
All right, Thea's a little concerned
about the circling black dragon overhead.
Yep.
And so she will blight him thusly.
He can do his best to make a constitution saving throw.
It'll probably suck at it.
Well, you know dragons, they're bad at everything.
Yeah.
That's what I keep telling them.
Constitution saving throw, you say?
Yeah, mm-hmm.
Okay.
Okay, well that saves.
That's gonna be a 19.
Yeah.
Okay, but he takes half.
Oh, sorry, no, 24.
It doesn't matter.
It's fine, you don't need to rub it in.
Well, then you will take 48 damage.
What type of damage?
No, she said 48. Necrotic.
Yeah, so you will take 48 necrotic damage.
Okay.
Do you have anything you wanna say?
Do I have anything I wanna say?
No.
No, anything to declare?
No.
You gotta look on your face.
Are you importing honeybees into this fight?
Because you need to tell us.
Negative, no honeybees.
You guys have lost all my math.
You've lost all your math.
Just roll it again.
Okay, nobody talks to me.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
No, shut up.
11, 12. 17, good God.
Good God, what are you trying to do to me?
No, no, no.
Oh, okay, I see what you're trying.
Yeah, it takes all 17,
because I only rolled four D8s.
And it should have been eight D8s.
Or should I roll eight
and you only take half of the damage of the eight?
If that's the way it's worded,
then that's what you should do.
Well, I don't know, it just says
the target takes half as much damage on a six, seven.
Yeah, so you roll eight D8
and then take half of your roll.
Okay, I said 17?
Yeah.
Okay, so half of 43.
That's so much better.
So 21.
One.
Okay, you're good.
Yeah.
Okay, so some cult members
that are frightened of the dragon, the blue dragon,
it's their turn now.
And there are not seven of them anymore,
because you guys are killing them.
Like that.
Six of those.
So two of them are going to attack at Flint,
who is on the ground.
Two of them are going to attack at New Laura.
And two of them are going to come up onto the ship
and attack at Thaddeus, who is also there.
Who does?
You guys totally remember that Thaddeus is there.
Oh, no, yeah, totally.
Thaddeus, much gruffer, you know,
the really responsible one out of the duo of Thaddeus.
God, that's damning with faint praise.
Also, you can't attack at somebody, just saying.
Yeah, you can do whatever I want.
You can't attack at somebody.
I'm the boss.
You can't change grammar to faint.
Okay, so the first one's going to attack Flint.
Oh, that's going to hit you twice there, bud.
Uh-oh.
With his short sword,
you're going to take two short swords
and only two short swords.
No more, no less.
No more, no less,
which is going to be 14 piercing damage.
Okey-dokey.
New Laura, you are also going to take some hits, maybe.
Maybe not.
That's a 20 with the short sword
and a 21 with the short sword.
Maybe.
Yep, that'll do it.
Then the other one is going to attack
with its other stuff, with its scimitar.
It's a 22 and a 17.
17 is my AC.
If it meets, it beats.
Yeah, so it does.
Great, well, I guess I'm done now.
So first.
It's been fun, guys.
Bye.
It was a good run.
12 piercing damage off the short swords.
No, your full hit points are okay.
But you'd get to use that character handbook again
to make a new character.
It's true.
And now that you read it every night,
you know what character you really want to make.
I definitely, yeah, I wouldn't be some lame-ass human.
So sorry, 12 from the short swords.
So you got, yeah, 12 and then 13 from the scimitar.
So 25 total.
Okey-doke.
Oh boy.
And the two attacking Thaddeus.
One will hit with his scimitar
and the other will hit with a scimitar.
So he's going to take 18.
Sorry, what is Thaddeus' last name?
Thaddeus Sicker Crumuple.
Crumuple.
Also, is it Thaddeus with an I-U-S or an E-U-S at the end?
E-U-S.
All right.
This didn't come up.
No, E-O-U-S.
E-O-U-S.
This didn't come up in the last episode,
but for all the intents and purposes,
this is one of our provided NPCs
by one of our patrons.
Ooh.
What?
How did you not say anything?
Because I forgot.
Because there was a lot of,
there was more than two lines of information
that happened in that last episode.
It's true.
It's another quality DM moment brought to you by Ross.
Yeah.
That.
So who, who gave us that?
That was one Adam Farber.
Also.
Oh, we know him.
Yeah.
Of Bros and Dragons out of character.
Wait, who?
Adam.
He gives us money for.
Yeah, he gives us money for our podcast.
I don't know if he gives you money for your podcast.
Adam.
At A-D-A-silent-Q-M.
That's what throws me off every time.
I know that guy.
Yeah.
Good guy, good guy.
That's fantastic.
Cremuple.
Oh, I like it.
A Nikoloth who is not frightened of the dragon
is going to go and engage in battle with the knight.
Prepare yourself.
If he didn't try to hit me,
I would have just accused him
of looking over my character sheets too hard.
Well, I mean, I don't,
I mean, it's not like I have it up here or anything.
I'm just kidding.
I don't have it up here.
He's gonna magically teleport right in front of you.
And he's going to make his multi-attack swings
with his greataxe.
So he gets two greataxe swings at you there.
Yeah, so he's a swinger.
One is a crit 20.
The other is an 18.
So obviously the crit 20 will hit.
Yeah.
But the 18 will be deflected off of my armor.
Marvelous.
Good ass armor.
I gotta get me some of that armor.
Right.
You also need to make a constitution saving throw
there, Doc.
You're not my real mom.
15 plus two is 17.
17 will succeed.
But you should have failed it, so now you're dead.
Sorry.
26 slashing damage,
and you succeeded on the constitution saving throw.
So you only need to take.
26, that's it?
26.
Okay.
Yeah.
I wanted to have a character sheet,
and then to be able to say 26, that's it.
I can also say that with my character sheet.
I know you can, Tom.
We can't all be that awesome, though.
Barely only half of us can.
Black dragon circling ahead's turn.
He is also going to let forth a bellowing roar
down upon everybody.
Are you sure he's not just singing Katy Perry's roar?
He is now.
Must also make a wisdom saving throw
for this black dragon.
You should probably bite his tongue and hold his breath.
20.
So many rolls.
I got this one out of the park, Russ, 18.
I also got an 18.
So I'm only scared of the dragon.
Yeah, but did you have a minus one?
Oh, wow.
21 for the knight and 23 for the blue dragon.
Well, nobody's frightened of this black dragon.
He just got blighted,
so he's not on the top of his game.
He's feeling a little bad.
Okay, okay.
Two of the Mesalas are going to,
one is going to attack Thea,
one is going to attack Flint.
Thea, you have, just right up in front of you,
one of these Mesalas, he's there,
teleported with his.
I poke him in the eyes.
Smiling face.
She takes her opportunity to attack.
He lets out a shriek,
but stabs you with his trident for a crit 20.
Jesus Christ.
How many crits are you rolling, Russ?
18, I'm just on.
God damn it.
I'm the guy who usually rolls crits.
Which dice are those?
Ah, these are, these are.
Nothing special dice.
They're nothing.
So you asked me,
you asked me if I'm rolling the dice you gave me,
but you're not using the dice I gave you.
I am rolling the dice you gave me.
It's true.
I just did not roll them on that turn.
He's got it.
I've got four D20s in front of me
that I'm rotating through.
So yours will be on the next one, don't worry.
It'll be also a crit 20.
We're off the defensive, aren't we?
Yeah.
Okay, so you're going to take a bunch of damage.
I mean, I'm on your side.
That's the classic,
I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday.
17 piercing damage.
God damn it.
And the other Mesoloth is going to fly over to Flint.
And look, I'm rolling docks D20.
Crit fail, here we go.
I'm witnessing it.
It's a nat 20.
It is.
Look at that.
Nat 20 and a, that's an 18.
Am I being too mean to him tonight
and he's overcompensating by doing really well?
It's entirely possible.
It must be.
18 piercing damage to you, dude.
It's going to be interesting
when Doc's the only person left alive
and has to carry forward our podcast.
Okay, so cult members eight through 15
are going to rush over to the dragon and the knight.
So the first four of those cult members
are going to use their orb of dragon's breath,
which they pull forward and use on the dragon.
So the first orb of dragon's breath is an 11.
There is a 24.
There is a, that sucks, 12 and an 18.
Against its, yeah.
Sorry, against its AC.
The 24 will hit.
The rest of them in the words of a wise man,
get that shit out of here.
Is that Confucius?
Is that who said that?
I thought that was my grandpa.
Tom Benson from the Bros and Dragons podcast.
33 damage to your dragon there, Doc.
What kind of energy is that?
That's going to be acid damage there.
Okay.
And then the remaining cult members
are going to attack the knight
with their short swords.
So for their first strike, they get multi-attack as well.
So there's, 14's not going to hit.
Magic number's 20.
Okay, so we got five total short sword attacks come in.
The rest of the knight deflects and parries
and has a good time doing 24 slashing damage there
at you, Doc.
That's it?
Yeah, that's going to be it.
All right.
Thaddeus is up.
He's just going to use his old war hammer
because he's got a couple things right in front of him
for a crit 20.
Geez.
Man, Russ, you are crazy tonight.
I know.
Someone's going to die tonight.
He swings his war hammer down on the head
of one of the cult members and crushes its skull.
I was going to say, nothing's died recently, so.
And it falls goopily down to the deck.
I like that.
Nularaaaa, you're up.
Finally. Am I still frightened?
Do I just stay frightened
or how long is the effect of that?
One minute, so 10 rounds.
Okay, perfect.
Totally still super frightened of the dragon
that appears to be on our side.
Not frightened of the dragon
that's definitely trying to kill us, though.
So I'm not sure how my brain's working.
That's fine.
I am going to assume
there are still some cultists around me
that I can just not face the dragon
and still maybe kill some folks.
Yeah, for sure. Great.
That's what I'm going to do with Flametongue.
That is a 28.
28. Yeah, that'll hit.
Oh my God.
These are the worst damage rolls
that I could possibly roll. No, not again.
Are they ones?
Two ones and a two plus two, so six.
Six damage on that first attack.
And then second attack is a crit 20.
Is it happening?
It's happening.
It's really exciting. I think it's happening.
I feel it. I don't even know
what happens when I get a crit 20.
I think never happened before.
Double damage.
Okay.
Oh yeah, double damage, but not bonuses.
Is that real?
Yeah, so your dice rolls are doubled,
but your damage bonus stays the same.
Okay, 15 for original damage.
14.
I missed Donnie last time
because I always just forget he exists
because I'm a terrible beast master.
But after you tell me what happens,
he's going to try and go.
Yeah, you strike one of these cult members
and it is dead.
Yay.
Okay, Donnie's going to try and sting,
sting one of the cultists.
Which is a 16.
Does he do it?
That'd be a hit for Donnie.
Donnie.
So he gets three damage,
cause it's just a little.
But the target has to succeed on a con saving throw.
Well, Donnie happened to strike one
that had taken a lightning bolt earlier.
Donnie with a killing blow.
So.
Is this Donnie's first kill?
Probably.
No, can't be.
No, I think it might be.
I mean, I know we fought a lot of Kobolds,
but I think this might be it.
Yeah.
Oh my God, I'm so proud of him.
Me too.
Oh, Donnie.
This is a big moment, you guys.
With that triumphant strike that Donnie gives,
it's the Knight's turn.
The Nikelith is still in front of me, correct?
Yes, yes he is.
Not for long.
All right, here we go.
With the great sword attack, first attack.
18 plus eight is 26.
That will hit.
Oh, very nice.
I like the sound of his dice.
I know, it's so good.
That's the Wyrmwood Tower.
Thank you for Wyrmwood.
Go to Wyrmwood.gaming.com and use bros
as a checkout code and get free domestic shipping.
All right, so.
We're not domestic.
That means nothing to me.
Not in Canada.
All right, so that'll be 16 on the first strike.
And the second one will be,
oh, look at this crit that I just rolled.
And I actually have all the dice I need.
Oh, six, six, two, five.
So 19 plus three is 23.
Excuse me, 22.
And I need a constitution saving roll
from that last hit.
That's a 21.
Oh, then he can cast next round.
Great.
And the Mesolath is gonna stab you there, Flint,
with his trident.
Couple stabs with you.
24 and a 13.
The 24 hits, but not the 13.
12 piercing damage to you, sir.
Blue Dragon's turn.
Blue Dragon is gonna go ahead
and help me out with this Nikoloth.
Sure.
That's gonna be a bite and two claws.
The bite will be 19 to hit.
19 will hit.
Nine piercing damage.
Okay.
First claw.
14, 21 to hit.
I'm sure that's still.
Yep.
But only five slashing damage.
And the last claw is, believe it or not, another crit.
Just critting all over the place.
Rolls with his dice tonight.
Hey, Amy, my dice work.
What's up with you?
I don't need to roll.
I don't know to what you are referring.
That'll be another 13 damage.
Okay.
And then, am I assuming that the,
Nularaaaa and Flint are spread out like circling?
Thea is still on the broken ship.
Nularaaaa is in front of the ship facing away from you
and what's happening with you.
And Flint is off to the left,
your right of the ship also facing away from you.
Okay.
Then the dragon will fly up using its movement
and land on the edge of the ship between the three of them
to make sure if they're being attacked by frightened cultists
that they would have to roll at disadvantage.
Of course.
All right.
Smart.
Okay, Flint, you're up.
So there's a Nikeloth that's on me.
Is that correct?
You've got a Meseloth on you, not a Nikeloth.
Yeah, there's only one Nikeloth and it's on the knight.
Excellent.
We'll take a swing at this Meseloth then.
That is a 19.
19 will hit.
Seven, 11 to 18, so 20 damage on that one.
Okay.
And Muzzle will go for a round two.
That's a crit 20.
37 plus two is 39 damage.
Beauty.
Pew.
Oh, my.
In a second strong swipe,
you strike through this cockroach looking Meseloth
and it falls to the ground dead as well.
Do you have any sort of fun catchphrase
that you say when you kill him?
Here's looking at you.
So you're like toasting him?
Are you guys having martinis?
I mean, I always fight with a martini in one hand,
don't you?
Yeah, no, I'm fancy.
Russ, I'm gonna throw a little healing surge my way.
Yeah, sure.
All right, eight.
Add that back in.
Doc, house rule, we do healing surges.
You can use as a bonus action.
You can just use a hit die plus con if you so desire.
Oh, plus con, I forgot about that.
Add informal.
Sounds like a plan, yay.
Thanks for the refresher, Russ.
Yeah, everybody knows how to play the game.
Thea, you're up.
I'm going to, I'm just gonna try something.
I'm going to cast gay ass.
Gesh.
That's what I said.
Gesh, you told me I could say it however I want.
You can say it however you want.
No, it's fine, it's gesh.
Anyway, I'm gonna place a magical command
on the black dragon above me
and try to force it to carry out my bidding.
Okay.
He sounds confident you can achieve that.
I hate you.
I hate you right now.
If not now, when?
Naked wisdom saving throw.
Okay, I just gotta get to the page
so I know which wisdom I'm gonna do.
Minus seven, probably.
Right, I'm pretty sure a dragon has minus seven wisdom.
That is gonna be a 16.
Hold on a second.
Oh, it's not good enough.
However.
Oh my god.
Legendary resistance.
Legendary resistance, which all the dragons have.
It's just gonna succeed.
Punch you.
I mean, this came up last dragon battle you had.
That was like eight years ago, Russ.
It was two episodes ago.
You fought a sock dragon.
Yeah, like eight years ago.
Okay, well, I'd like to take that back then.
I don't wanna do that.
She didn't take your hand off the page.
She can go back, it's okay.
Well, that's it.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, that's it.
Fuck.
So.
I'm not mad or anything, I'm just disappointed.
Yeah, that's fair.
If you could mutter a little clearer
into the microphone, Amy, I'd appreciate that.
God damn it.
Is that better?
Yeah, that's much better.
So you're looking around to all these bad things
that are happening, clearly not to you,
but if you counted them out,
five of the cult members seem to draw in a level of energy
and their short swords begin to glow.
And two of them is their turn.
One hops up onto the deck
and goes to attack Thea with his short sword.
Disadvantage.
With disadvantage.
So the first one is going to be a 20, not critical.
Second one is going to be a 13.
The 20 will hit.
So you're gonna take nine piercing damage plus.
Four glowing damage.
12 glowing damage, which so happens to be a fire,
fire damage from its glowing sword.
The other one is on Flint.
And Flint is going to,
that was a seven.
Solid.
With disadvantage.
That's gonna be a 14 on its first strike
and a 16 on its second strike.
There was a critical in there too.
Neither are good enough.
Thanks, Doc.
Two other cult members are rushing Nulara.
Are they, are they feared from the dragon?
Cause they can't rush.
Oh, right.
They can't rush that's towards the dragon.
To be, yeah.
So they just, they're gonna run towards the knight
because he's not where the dragon is.
I love it when Doc's on our podcast.
It's the best.
Right?
I'd be dead by now, I'm sure.
Yep.
Guys, we need to read the rules more.
So yeah, seeing the dragon,
they turn around and bolt towards this knight.
I actually love that you guys think
this is the only trick I have up my sleeve.
Oh dude.
They're not gonna hit, they're not gonna hit you.
They just run towards you
and kind of throw their swords in the air
and scream for Tiamat.
But stop directly in front of you
when they realize that they didn't do anything.
The nightcloth's turn.
Yeah, so it's going to,
it's just gonna multi-attack you.
So that's gonna be a 14.
That's not gonna hit for the first,
oh, these guys don't have
to roll with disadvantage, do they?
No, they do not.
So what was your higher number?
Neither of them.
Yeah, it was like a 15.
So it's just gonna magically teleport away.
And this one wasn't actually afraid anyway.
So it's gonna teleport back to the ship.
Feel like a lot of things
are coming back to the ship.
Thea doesn't feel safe here anymore.
Meseloth, who is afraid of the dragon,
teleports over to the knight
and it's going to cast cloud kill on the knight.
So it creates a 20-foot radius sphere
of poisonous yellow-green fog
centered on the knight itself,
the Constitution's saving throw.
19. I'm sorry,
but doesn't he also have two idiots
that have stopped directly in front of him
that are probably also-
Yeah, they're gonna take it as well.
Oh, are they?
Yeah, there's a whole bunch of cultists
around them as well.
They're gonna have to take this.
This Meseloth, that can give a shit about no one.
You don't give a fuck.
You've been hanging out
with the bros and dragons guys too much.
So those that have succeeded
take half a 24 damage at you there.
Poison is-
12.
Is 12, yeah.
Oh no, it is so scary over here.
And then something just shows up
and kills Doc's character.
No more for you.
Wow.
What a twist.
I'm taunting the DM
because I want everything to come at me
and you guys should just kill them from the rear.
Dirty.
However you want to take that is on you, not me.
Bia only takes it one way.
Which is every way she can.
Killed one of its cultists.
Okay, so some of the cultists die.
So this isn't really working out well
for me trying to kill Doc.
No, you're just killing your own people.
Yeah.
Or the Meseloth is killing its own people.
The black dragon's gonna try
and recharge its fire breath and it does.
Or its breath weapon rather.
So it's gonna shoot down.
Oh fuck, I had to surround Doc,
that's what I had to do.
But you didn't.
This dragon doesn't give a fuck.
He's just there just to drop people off.
I think the dragon knight just starts singing,
I came in like a wrecking ball.
And it shoots its acid breath weapon down.
It's you there, knight.
Dexterity saving throw.
What's a crit 20 gonna do me for you?
Nothing, nothing.
You jerk face, 22.
What do you mean jerk face?
It's a tournament of endearment.
It's an American thing, don't worry about it.
Sure.
So you're taking half a 54 there, knight.
So it's gonna be 27.
Finally.
But yeah, in crossfire also kills a couple cultists.
There's also a mesolith there, I'm just saying.
He takes some damage too.
It's Thaddeus's turn
and he's gonna cast Cure Wounds on Thea.
Oh, oh, I give him eyes.
You know, bedroom eyes.
Thaddeus didn't get it.
Things I don't like hearing Tom say, Tom.
Goodness gracious.
So he's gonna cast that at a higher level, fourth level.
Fourth level.
So you're gonna get that.
See, he's feeling all hot under the collar.
25 points back and then he's going to go check on Grancis
he sees that he has not moved in a while.
Maybe he wants to go check on that.
Not one of us has checked on Grancis.
We've been a little busy.
It's true.
Nulara, you're up.
Yay.
What's near me now?
Bunch of things have died since this is my turn last.
Everything's dead or on the night.
So what is on you?
You've got one of the cult of the dragon guys
with the glowy swords in direct vicinity to you.
And that's probably the only guy.
Great, let's start there.
Within immediate concern.
Yep.
Well, that was not good.
Well, 14.
14, build that guy.
14 will not hit.
Okay, I'll try again.
13, how about a 13?
A 13.
13?
No.
13's still not gonna hit.
Well, this didn't go well.
That was a very short, sad turn.
Come on, Donnie.
Did he flip him off for like, do the like?
Donnie's gonna do something amazing.
Donnie is not gonna do something amazing
because he also rolled a 14.
I guess we're just tired.
This is a tiring fight.
He wants to be just like you.
Okay, well, that was real fun.
Thanks, thanks guys.
I'll just be over here.
Night, you're up.
We waited a long time for that.
I am going to try to kill
this ugly looking Mesoloth in front of me.
Yeah, seems fair.
26 to hit.
Yep.
14.
Okay.
And second, 24.
For 11 points of slashing.
Okay.
And a constitution saving roll, please.
Oh, that's not gonna succeed.
Nope, I'm not even gonna look up the modifier.
It doesn't succeed.
That target cannot cast any spells
until the end of its next turn.
Sounds good, blue dragon.
The dragon will start murmuring
in a deep, thunderous voice,
and then all of a sudden four blue dragons are there.
They cast mirror image on itself.
Ninzah.
Flint, you're up.
Four blue dragons.
But they're all still behind me, right?
They're all still behind you.
Perfect.
How many glowy sword motherfuckers are in front of me?
You got one of them.
Oh, yeah.
There's one there, two there, one there.
Yeah, one of them is on you.
All right, I'm taking them out.
It's a grit 20.
That will hit.
Mathematically speaking, tonight should not have happened.
No.
So 26 damage on that first attack.
Yep.
And 17.
17 will also hit, yep.
Okay.
10, eight and two is 20.
Thea, you're up.
Ah, it's me.
Wait, that dude's still alive?
Oh, yeah.
Huh, all right.
Oh, look who's full of himself.
I'm gonna try to kill someone this turn
and I'm disappointed.
Well, I mean, previous cultists
fell to very similar damage, so.
Yeah, maybe they're different.
Who knows?
Okay, I need to do something
because I totally flopped last time.
And I might flop again this time, but we will see.
So I'm going to take my long bow.
I am going to take one of the two dragon arrows I have.
Is this your oath bow?
Yeah, it's my oath bow.
Sorry, I said long bow, I meant oath bow.
And I'm going to say that this dragon is my sworn foe.
There's actually something you need to say.
Oh my God, okay, fine, I'll say it.
I say swift death to those who have wronged me.
And then I'm also going to cast Searing Smite
on the arrow, which is going to add an extra 1d6
fire damage.
Isn't that a melee thing?
Oh, yeah, fine, I won't do that.
Always spoiling things, Russ.
I know, but cool overrule, is that not a?
No, it's fine.
Okay, so with my oath bow, I'm going to try modern dust.
That means I have to roll, prepare yourself, Doc,
to see if I can do this.
Also, I can't remember for the life of me
what that dragon arrow does
because I didn't write it down,
so you're going to have to help me out.
It is a 19.
19 just hits the dragon.
Okay, so it's 3d6 plus.
A million.
What, plus something having to do with the dragon arrow?
Okay, so it's 15 damage,
which is just like the pokey kind.
Yeah.
Officially speaking, the pokey kind.
Yes, it's the technical term, right?
We know how to play.
We're so good at the rules, guys.
Oh my god, so good at the rules.
Dragon takes 6d10 extra damage
on a failed constitution saving throw.
Okay, make a constitution saving throw.
Does he take half that damage?
Legendary resistance,
as he's going to save that.
Well then what the fuck is it a dragon slaying arrow for
if dragons have legendary resistance?
She's got you there, Russ.
She's got me there.
Explain it to me.
They only have three?
That's a good thing.
Yeah, so eventually they run out
and then you use your stuff
that requires them to save.
But I mean, it's still gonna take half of your 6d10s, so.
Good, well it takes 15 of my pokey next.
Yeah.
36.
Half of 36?
Half of 36.
Plus my 15 pokey.
Yeah, I got your 15 pokey.
Okay, just making sure.
Don't you dare forget the pokey.
This is the most damage I've rolled.
In a while.
Why?
I mean, the arrow actually hit.
So that Nikoloth, he's on the ship in front of you.
It's okay.
He doesn't like that.
But likes what the dragon did.
So it too is gonna cast mirror image,
not stealing anybody's ideas.
Wait, I thought this thing couldn't cast,
oh, it'll see the other one.
No, that's the Mesoloth on the night.
Gotcha.
So now there are a whole bunch of dragons
and seemingly a whole bunch of Nikoloths
right in front of you.
May I ask a question?
You can ask all the questions.
So with the Nikoloths is, okay,
is this like a situation where one of them
is the real one?
Yeah.
Yes, you'll have to roll a D20
if you physically attack it.
To figure out which one of it it hits.
Yeah.
And if it hits the wrong one,
he doesn't take any damage?
If it hits the wrong one,
one of the mirror images just disappears.
Disappears.
Okay, so it's okay.
Okay, so Nikoloth cast mirror image
is a whole bunch of Nikoloths on the deck
of the destroyed ship.
The Mesoloth, the final standing Mesoloth,
can't cast anything,
but is going to attack the knight
with its pokey trident.
Hey, that's my word.
With its sticky trident.
Ew, why is it sticky?
Yeah, gross.
So I'm gonna die of sepsis if I don't die in the fight.
Oh, 100%, yeah.
So it's trident strikes for a 24,
followed by its claws for a 21,
so nine and seven piercing and slashing.
Okay.
Blood is now flowing from underneath the armor,
but the knight is still standing valiantly.
I like it.
It's the black dragon's turn
who does not recharge its breath weapon,
but having taken an arrow of dragon slaying says,
oh, fuck this.
And he flies away, leaving his.
Dragon's got a hilarious voice.
He doesn't like it.
Yeah, should've talked to him more.
He started fighting us.
We didn't have the chance to talk to him.
And he begins to fly away.
So the two cult members on the knight,
it's their turn,
and they swing their swords at the knight.
It's one of the members, Ian Asprey.
Who's that?
He's the lead singer of the cult.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
One of them has something to say.
He yells out.
He's just like, you know, we came in strong,
and then it really just.
Is he yelling this?
Yeah, yeah.
It really just took a turn,
and I wish it would've gone better.
No, he says, screaming out to the ether,
he says, the masks are joined.
The call has sounded.
Soon the gates of the nine hells shall swing wide,
and she shall return,
striking its swords.
Sword swings.
There's a 20, not critical,
and the other one strikes as well,
for a 25 and a 26.
Who are they striking?
The knight.
Oh. The knight.
Look at all these ones.
That's not good.
Yeah, it's perfect.
What do you mean, it's not good?
So that's three.
So for the first one that hits,
that's three,
and eight.
No, not, yeah, three.
Three and eight.
So that's 11 for the first one.
Then that's going to be,
so 15 for the second one,
23 for the third one.
Oh, shoot.
Okay.
Uh-oh.
Well, since Russ is just picking on me,
I'm down to three hit points.
Oh, dear.
Did say someone is gonna die tonight.
I didn't think it'd be you.
Thaddeus is busy tending to Grancis.
Nularaaaa, it's your turn.
Yay.
Yay, I wanna have a turn.
Is there still a cultist by me?
Is there still anything by me?
What can I hit with my sword?
Yeah, there's a cultist right beside you
that you were trying to hit previously.
Great, that's a 17.
Does that hit?
Yeah.
Yay. Yeah.
Okay, it's 10 damage on that one.
I'm going to attack again.
That is awesome. Do it, murder him.
17, so that is two.
Not murder if it's justified.
16 damage on that one.
Donnie's gonna swoop in for an attempted chomping.
That's a 16 from Donnie.
16?
16, yeah, 16 is good.
What's up?
He's doing the best tonight.
He is doing the best.
He got six damage on that one,
which is the max amount he can get,
and then a con saving throw for that guy.
That's an eight.
Donnie's having the best night of his whole life
because that means that he has poisoned him,
so now he is unconscious.
Way to go, Donnie.
Okay, so I will mark that down, unconscious,
until he is aroused.
For what?
For frozen, whoa.
He's having a very provocative dream
and he just wakes up.
Holy moly.
And Thea's here, so keep your weapons strong.
Thea goes nowhere near him.
One hour, or one hour.
All right.
Give him at least an hour to get aroused.
This is not worth it.
Night, you're up.
Standing true, but now having blood
coming from underneath his armor,
and it's gushing now.
The blue dragon will hear his call.
Is it my turn or his?
I think it's his turn, isn't it?
It's the night's.
Yeah, blue dragon comes after.
Oh, well good.
And maybe the night doesn't need the dragon
to come over.
Critical.
Marvelous.
So first strike will be 22 points of damage.
Okay.
My second strike, not a critical,
but still a good 19.
Yeah.
Nice.
For another 15 points of damage,
and I need a con saving roll from that Mesilov.
Sorry, the Mesilov is dead.
It's gone.
Oh, on the first or second strike?
On the second strike.
Gosh darn it.
Yeah.
And yeah, I'm going to graciously
take that healing surge.
Yeah, for sure.
And then it's your dragon strike.
Dragon's turn, once you've done that.
And he, sensing my hurt, will fly over,
away from home, leaving them undefended,
but will land and has recharged
his breath weapon a while ago,
but I was holding on to it.
And he will lightning the other,
I think two cultists that are on me?
Yep.
So a dexterity saving roll.
Seven and a 17.
The 17 will make it.
For half, 23 lightning,
and half will be what, 21?
Oh, I'm sorry, 11?
Sure.
I like that.
I was going to say, that's not bad.
I like the way your math works.
I like that.
Even with that mess up, Russ,
I did a little quicker than some people I understand.
You did your quick and you did your mess up quicker.
Are the cultists alive?
Yeah, the cultists are alive.
Both?
Both.
Okay.
Hopefully they're scared.
These ones, I think killed all the ones that weren't.
No, those ones that rushed over were afraid.
So yeah, they are scared.
Then the dragon will use,
cause he had 80 and flight.
I'm sure it wasn't 80 feet away.
Nope.
He'll use the rest of his moment
to get behind me, movement, excuse me.
Sure.
Flint, you're up.
All right.
And there's still that guy in front of me?
Yeah.
All right.
You know what's coming then.
19.
Sweet lady death is coming.
22.
Okay.
Really, still?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
There's a reason that these guys
are still standing in those.
It's another 19.
19 will hit.
Four and seven's 11 and two is 13.
Okay.
And I'm gonna use my action surge
cause this fucker's still alive
and I'm gonna attack him again.
Seems fair.
24, so that'll hit.
Yeah.
Nine and 11 is 20.
22.
Okay.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Wow.
No, no.
He takes a knee, but he's still,
he's still alive.
Whew, he's still at deep breath.
I hope there's not an anthem playing anymore.
He holds his hand up in his finger.
Give me like one minute.
Took the breath out of him there.
In that case, I'm also gonna,
I'm also gonna healing surge while I'm here.
Yeah, for sure.
Might as well.
Thea, you're up.
Does he yell out like a little,
like a verse, take my breath away.
Exactly.
Okay, who's on me?
You have, you're surrounded by
a whole bunch of Nikeloths.
Ooh.
Be still my heart.
All right.
I'm gonna fuck him up with some moonbeam.
I'm going to use my fourth spell slot.
Okay.
I'm going to focus on the jackass,
like in front of me.
I assume that when he,
the Nikeloth multiplied himself,
like it came from one to one.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I'm just gonna go for the middle one
because it just seems.
Sure.
How many of them are there?
Three?
There are four.
Three duplicates came out of him.
That doesn't speak well to symmetry
and Thea doesn't like it.
Sure, so yeah, you roll and two of those motherfuckers
go poof and there are still two left.
And where are the other two?
Like one to the far right and just one to the left?
Yeah.
Okay.
He says with confidence, yes.
Yes, absolutely.
You hear from behind you,
muttering kind of a low murmur
or some sort of incantation from,
that's been going on from Thaddeus
as he's tending to Grancis.
And you kind of hear a glowing ringing noise.
Like a.
Oh, like one of those bowls that you like.
Yeah.
Like with the.
And you turn around and Grancis is just churning it,
but no.
And I'm like, stop it.
Yeah, no.
You turn around and all who hear it and look,
which is pretty much everybody,
see Grancis rising from the deck and glowing.
Thaddeus looks at,
he stops murmuring whatever he was saying
and looks a bit confused as to what's happening
and Grancis raises up off the deck
and lets forth many lightning bolts
that come from what seemed to be his life energy.
And these lightning bolts shoot forward
into each of the creatures still left standing.
And all of those creatures
in the instant that they're struck,
drop to the ground dead.
I can't believe Russ gave Grancis a heroic death
to spite us.
I know.
You look and you see them fall
and you see Grancis's essence
scatter into the ether.
And you hear,
I'll always be with you, always.
Grancis, no, hey, I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
Thank you for joining us for episode 31
of Dumbgeons and Dragons titled Things Go Sideways.
Yeah, I'm Russ More and I'll see you next time.
Which kinda just, you know,
it should be a subtitle for every episode of our podcast.
No?
This episode features our guest star,
who you're right, I may have tried to kill
throughout part of this battle, my bad.
But we will talk with Doc
about where you can find him in a brief moment.
You can check out our Patreon tiers
and rewards at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
If you're new to the dumb dragon community,
or if you've never done so before,
we would greatly appreciate you dropping us
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which is the newer podcast site
that allows anyone to leave a review.
You can sign up for an account through Podknife
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or any show they have listed,
as reviews help independent podcasters
get seen and heard a lot more,
which helps everybody grow.
So if you have a podcast who you appreciate,
be it us or somebody else,
a review certainly goes a long way.
Let's take a moment to talk to Doc here.
Doc, thank you for joining us so much.
Thanks, Doc.
Thank you so much.
It was so great to have you.
It was fun.
Thank you for letting me break out a home brew.
And yeah, just want to tell us
where we can find you and Bros and Dragons.
I mean, we talk about you pretty much like every episode.
You can follow me on Facebook and Twitter at IMDM Doc.
You can follow Bros and Dragons at Bros and Dragons
on any social media event.
And obviously you can find any information
about all of us at brosanddragons.com.
No, Thea's one true love.
I swat away his essence.
It's canon now.
It's canon.
It's been established.
Nah.
Just cause you say it doesn't make a canon.
No, I'm pretty sure that's how it works.
And you're left standing in the wreck of the airship
with all the cult members dead at your feet.
What do you guys do?
Thea finds herself a little bit more upset about Grancis
than she thought she would be.
But she walks over to Thaddeus
and puts a hand on his shoulder and like, you know,
like sorry, man.
Also like, woof, woof, right?
Yeah, I don't know what happened.
I mean, he was a powerful wizard and all,
but he's kind of a lot of practice.
So not sure what happened there.
Oh my God, was that a spell gone wrong?
You've seen stranger things happen with him.
Holy shit, Grancis.
Who's that dragon guy?
Oh, that's a good question.
Excuse me, metal clad sir, what is your name?
He takes off his helmet,
throws it, because he's kneeling on the ground,
supporting himself with his great sword.
His blood seems to just pour forth and.
And your name is what I'm concerned about.
And he looks up and goes,
sorry, I cannot be of more chivalry.
My name is Sir Largot Willowden.
Cool, how you doing over there?
I've had better days.
Thaddeus sees him struggling quite a lot
and sees everybody has taken some damage
and he casts mask cure wounds on everybody
at a high enough spell slot to do some good
for all that are happening.
So.
Is he within a 30 foot radius of all of us because.
Well, I'm assuming.
Well, we're out of combat now.
So I assume we'd all kind of wander over together.
Or I'll wander over to the.
To the night.
To the poor night.
Yeah, since he's the furthest away.
No, you come to us.
Everybody regains 37 HPs.
I squeeze Thaddeus' bicep like, thanks, man.
Yeah, yeah.
You're welcome.
I think it's sweet because by appearances,
he is a human in his late 70s.
So it seems like a strange pairing.
But I mean, really, Thea's very old.
Like she ages.
So, you know, he's still probably kind of,
he's a lot younger than her still.
Even though he's a super, super, super old dude.
It's really sweet, Thea.
It's true.
Thea does not judge based upon age.
Well, I feel refreshed now that I'm not one third dead.
You guys?
Oh, I feel great.
I'm at full, like, working capacity here.
So I guess I go over and I help up our new friend.
And I say, thank you.
What brings you, or not what brings you here?
We brought us here.
We're looking for the, like,
we're here to meet with some, like, metallic dragons.
No, you're not.
No, we're not.
Thea doesn't know what we're doing.
Thea can't remember what we're doing.
We're going to Nerenvane?
We're here to find Nerenvane, aren't we?
We are.
No, yes.
Yeah, we're here to see if Nerenvane
is a good guy or a bad guy.
You know him?
Okay, well, I guess someone else needs to start talking.
It shouldn't be me.
I know not, I know not that name.
I am sorry.
Can you take us to the Misty Forest?
Hey, thank you for all your help and almost dying.
Can we use you?
One other favor.
Well, okay, maybe, maybe can you show us the way
our craft has been, well, demolished.
And it is very important that we get to the Misty Forest.
I would be glad to, but we should set up camp here.
The destroyed airship that you use
probably would do for good cover,
but I cannot travel at this moment.
And my friend here, and I reach up and pet my dragon,
can only take but one rider at a time.
That's not a problem.
We have a magical owl that we can ride,
it's quite all right.
But we understand your need to rest
and we can set up camp for the night.
Look how understanding I am.
Well, it's maybe slightly like to mourn our friend.
As much as he drove us crazy,
he did just die, let's set up overnight.
So we're in agreement, yes?
Yes, yes.
Sorry, I nodded.
I nod way too much for an audio.
Visual cues on an audio podcast, so good.
Ligar, Ligar don't reach up
and just grab the neck of his dragon
looking at him in the eyes
and the dragon will fly off the direction
that the black dragon was heading.
Okay.
So yeah, the dragon flies off towards the black dragon
and then you guys kind of just set up shop,
use some of the wood.
And Thaddeus says, wait, what about,
no, that's not his voice.
No, no.
I feel like I'm channeling Grancis all of a sudden.
I feel really sad.
I'm not gonna get to hear you use that voice.
Oh, well.
I mean, in our defense,
we should not have asked for Russ
to do a Christopher Lloyd based voice.
Yeah, no, in retrospect, that was our bad.
He says, I'm gonna go check
and see what we can salvage from the ship here
you guys set up.
And you used cover from the ship
and set up a fire and...
He asks, so where do you come from, Sir Ligart?
A small farming community many, many miles from here.
You probably have never heard of such a thing.
Of a farm?
Of where I live, yes.
Okay.
Have these dragon attacks been happening a lot recently?
They have been becoming more frequent.
That is why my friend and I are here.
Lord Bahamut has deemed it that we come
and help the weak in these times around here
and try to find out if that vile thing Tiamat
and he spits on the ground
is trying to make her way back into this world or not.
Well, you heard that one cultist screaming
about the masks and things though, right?
Like it's a coming.
It can be stopped.
My Lord has told me this,
that there are those out there that have a chance.
Oh God, is it us?
Might be, it might be us.
Rawr rawr.
Shit.
Ooh.
You could call me Sir Wilderdon or Ligards,
but God is a little bit much, don't you think?
We are charged with the task of stopping Tiamat's arrival.
Guess we could say that.
Who is your God?
What information can you give us?
I serve the Lord Bahamut himself.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
He's the head metallic dragon, is that correct?
He's the dragon God of good.
Ah, there we go.
Tom, no stuff.
I've played games before.
But yeah, he is visually the platinum dragon,
so you're right.
Ligard, any tips on helping stop the rise of Tiamat?
Well, if I know the different people of this world,
you are not the only ones tasked
with making sure she does not come forth.
Thank God.
As for dealing with her, pray it never comes to that.
There is not a more foul creature
in all of the nine hells.
I mean, it's pretty impressive to be the number one worst
in all nine of the hells.
Yeah, even more impressive if she was to make it
onto this plane of existence,
destroy everything that you know and love,
rip it from the very fabrics of reality
and change it to her own doing, sure.
What do you think they meant by the masks are combined?
The masks are joined.
Well, all of the leaders had masks, right?
That's what Varam was doing,
was trying to find his mask.
That sounds like we're probably not gonna be getting
that mask back.
If it comes to it, Sir Ligard,
can we call upon you when we are in need of aid
in battle?
If it's within my power to give,
I will be by your side if you truly fight
against the workings of Tiamat.
Thank you.
How would we call upon you in our time of need?
No, dragon's ears can hear for a great many miles.
If you call upon me and my friend can hear you,
I will come.
Sweet.
Okay.
It's about dusk and it turns to night
as you guys rest, regaling each other
of wild stories that you've had fighting dragons
and other such creatures.
And we have a lifetime membership to Fantasy Costco.
And you take watch and take rest throughout the night.
Morning comes and my friend, the dragon returns.
My friend, what news have you brought?
In Draconic, he says,
I followed the black dragon to Thay,
where he was quickly taken in by a magical force
that I was not able to get through to.
I waited to see if anybody came or went after that,
but nothing left Thay and nothing else went in.
Where is Thay?
Oh, that's way fucking far away from here.
I flew really fast.
Please rest, my friend, and I will guard you.
He curls up like a dog and goes to sleep.
Does it take him a while to have to do a few turns?
Kind of kneads at the ground a little bit.
Oh.
Yeah.
I scratch him behind the ears.
Do we know, like you said when we crashed,
we were like on the outskirts of the Misty Forest.
So do we safely know the direction we're heading now?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you crashed just on the outside of Daggerford.
So there's a river that is between you and the Misty Forest,
but you're now not having the airship
or about a day and a half's journey to the Misty Forest.
Cool.
Less if we're on an owl?
Yeah, obviously less if you're on an owl.
Obviously less if we're on an owl.
Yes, less if you're on an owl.
The rousing banter continues for quite some time.
Through the rousing banter?
And you all decide to go your separate ways.
Sir Ligert stays by my friend's side
and you all set off along the trail
saying your sweet goodbyes to your savior
in the dragon scale armor
and head off towards the Misty Forest back on foot,
as you were many moons ago.
Oh, not this guy.
He's flying off on a blue dragon.
There's a saddle.
Oh yeah, no, I figured he's, yeah, he's out.
Yeah, you're going off to do amazing things
with the dragon.
We're just schlepping through the woods
to try and get killed by a different dragon, probably.
Crumping on through the woods.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod
of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Oh, yes.
Flip the page through the pencil down
and just threw his hands into the paper.
Oh, yeah.
He just threw his hands in the air.
He's already given up.
I'm already giving up.
I knew bringing a guest on wouldn't be good for any.
It's gonna be fantastic.
Well, then sit back and relax
as I take you out of your reality
and into my nightmares.
Oh no, we're in his game now.
Welcome to the Bros and Dragons podcast.
Russ got up and walked away.
We didn't know about Francis not being okay, did we?
No.
That was new.
I don't know how to feel about it, guys.
And now I'm torn.
I figured you'd be ecstatic, Amy.
I'm really excited,
but I also feel bad about being excited.
I don't think Thea's like a sociopath.
You're looking really great in those sweatpants.
I'm trying the opposite.
I'm going the opposite route.
Like maybe I was too harsh
and he's doing really well because of it.
I thought that was in-game
and you were saying that to the night.
I was like, why is he wearing sweatpants?
Is he wearing armor and sweatpants?
Cause that's not a good look.
Flint is a eunuch.
It's canon.
Well, that doesn't really play well
for me being naked in the interrogation
from a few episodes back.
So.
It does because everyone was, you know,
like no one knew what to do about it.
I believe there were numerous references
to a certain appendage being visible.
How do you explain the thumbs up?
Exactly.
The gate swinging wide means TMS, not a small girl.
Are you fat shaming TMS?
Oh, he's going to be the first to go.
Oh my God.
Good Lord.
Everybody will watch him be picked apart.
Oh no.
I had a good run.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.